Dear Diary

(From Tom's diary we read...)

Today, we geared up for a 'retreat' in the mountains. We gathered food and bedding. But He didn't want anyone to know where we were going. 

It seems strange to me. For three years, we have tried to gather crowds so the Rabbi could teach them. Now He does not want any crowds. We are going to stay away from Chorazin, Gennesaret, Magdala, and Cana. We will be in the mountains of Northwest Galilee. 

All day I wondered why. Why are we going there? Few people live there. Why all the supplies? We normally stay in people's homes. 

Well, on this trip, He started talking about things that didn't make sense. He talked about betrayal. Don't all twelve of us believe in Him? Who would BETRAY him?

He spoke of people KILLING him. He is the most popular man in Israel. People think He might deliver them from Roman tyranny. ALL He does is help people, and teach them. Why would ANYONE want to kill him?

And then, there is this nonsense of Him rising from the dead. I have seen Him raise a few folks from the dead, but they are just going to die again. He's talking about being raised and never dieing. Have you ever heard of someone being raised and never dieing? Me neither. 

Over the past 3 years, I have worked hard to be a good disciple. I have gone where He has gone. I understand most of His teachings. I believe only what I have seen. I am reasonably convinced He is God's son. 

But on this trip, I just don't get it. I just can't see Him being betrayed. I can't believe anyone would want to kill him. And being raised in three days never to die again, well.., it is just not going to happen.

I think I have Him fooled. He thinks I understand all this. He thinks I believe everything. But I don't understand any of it.

And I am scared to ask him about it. He may fuss at me. He might embarrass me if he finds out I don't understand. He has chided me and my buddies before about our 'little faith'. And that was not fun!

I'll keep it a secret, just between me and you, dairy. No one will ever know. 

What I write in my diary, stays in my diary.